All that we are and all that we hope to be

We owe to our loving families

Hi. I took 3 weeks off from writing. Life happened. There was some cathartic travel, losing a dream house bidding war, and grieving the loss of a beloved family member. Events as of late have been a lot on my heart and my mind and I was not in a headspace to write about it (or anything else for that matter). There were cycles of feeling mentally drained, then distracted, and then delightfully preoccupied. Thank you to my family and friends who, as always, gave all the best support and words of encouragement and gracious reminders that it’s okay to wait to write until I felt ready. And here we are. 

I didn’t think I’d share this, but then recent reminiscing with family has made me realize how much I want to. Here goes my honest, vulnerable, and unpolished reflection that certainly won’t describe everything but will provide a glimpse. It lit me up to think this blog as somewhere I can place my grief when it has felt misplaced in most other places, and I’ve tried to hold it inside in an effort to be supportive but ultimately found that’s not my style. My style is wearing my heart on my sleeve. 

My husband’s grandmother passed away and it rocked us all. I’ve been thinking a lot about how 3.5 years is relatively brief, and yet such a short amount of time knowing someone can feel so significant. I’ve also contemplated why this loss has felt reminiscent of losing my own grandparent, loved ones cherished my whole life vs. the 3.5 years and the pain cuts deep all the same.

The monumental impact I feel from the quality time I was fortunate to have is all thanks to the beautiful soul she was. My words can’t do justice to how inspiring her life story is, how special the big family she built is, how she redefined the word matriarch. Why it’s so hard to explain to others the heaviness the family feels from losing her.

It’s a testament to her, how she lived, how she loved, and the light she brought to everyone who knew her. How she chose light in the worst of circumstances. Seeing so many people come together and hearing the tributes at her celebration of life from my in-laws left me in tears from start to finish. 

From my perspective of reflecting on our short time together on earth, I am forever grateful for the dazzling grandparent role she played when I constantly missed my own grandparents so terribly throughout falling in love to then getting engaged, wedding planning, and getting married - she was there for it all and offered this warmth and wisdom and aura I can’t explain.

She stamped our save the dates and thrived at our wedding; our sole grandparent in attendance representing the whole bunch. It meant the world to us. Now I like to think of all our grandparents reunited in heaven together.

We featured this “Generations of Love” display at our wedding in honor of our grandparents’ and parents’ stories and their influence to carry with us always:

All that we are and all that we hope to be

We owe to our loving families 

Wedding day photos labeled the location and year felt like a time capsule beautifully arranged in the entrance to the celebration. My favorite personal element on our big day grounded in our values that have been passed down through the generations. I daydream about the family members behind those photos, seeing them as cheerful newlyweds with big dreams about what life held for them. How much they navigated as young couples, the struggles, the joy, the mundane, homes they made, family they built, watching everyone grow, and the incredible wisdom held from lives well lived. 

I am so blessed to have married into this family and to feel the closeness every day of our two families brought together. Writing this helped me place my grief and process it how I needed to all along, and I’m overcome with gratitude and values to carry forward. A commitment to stay present, love fiercely, live my life to the fullest, and try to not take anything for granted. To remember to keep the faith when things feel hard. To know when a loved one passes away, they stay with us in an even greater sense that transcends all we knew before. To keep sharing parts of my life like this in hopes of touching someone else’s. 

Sending love,

Jess

Will never forget the way GMA Barb rallied to make it up to our wedding, how she walked down the aisle, & how she beamed the entire time <3